Tuesday, March 29, 2011

changing "I can't" to "I can"

Before I start in on this post, I wanted to clear up that post I wrote titled "FALSE information." I was really mad when I wrote that one and I don't even remember what I wrote exactly, but I wasn't trying to say that everyone should bolus for protein and fat. The point of that post was that dude with type 1 had put diabetes into a "one size fits all" approach and it bothered me. It bothered me that he completely discounted the idea of fat and protein playing a role in your diabetes management and insulin dosages. I realize that not everyone boluses the same and maybe there are some lucky people out there who don't bolus for their eggs or meat (not sure how you get away with that--doesn't fat and protein break down later for everyone?). But, I do believe that for most people, fat and protein plays a part in how you digest food, and I do know that fat can stay in your system for a looong time and give you higher blood sugar readings hours later, so...that's all.

OK, blog time.

Lately I've been having a lot more negative thoughts when it comes to my diabetes. When I was first diagnosed, I never really got angry or jealous or depressed. I just rolled with it and took it all in stride and figured it out. It's not like it made me incredibly happy, but my thoughts didn't spiral downward either. I think this is because I was in control more often than not and now I am not in control and it seems that I have to work harder to get back to that point. But, I have noticed that I've been thinking a lot more about how my life was like before diagnosis and how much I miss that freedom and flexibility I didn't realize I had before. I start to remember and picture moments of my life before D...to the point where I'm really not doing myself any justice and thinking about those memories is doing more harm than good. I also have become focused on how my life is different (and not in a positive way) and all the things I can't do or all the things that have become more difficult because of having diabetes. I never used to think like this in the "early days" of D. I never wanted to be labeled as different because of it; I never wanted special attention or help; I never thought of myself as being the person who wouldn't be in good control or the person who would develop complications--no, that wouldn't be me because I can do anything I want regardless of D.

Yes, that's how I used to think, but lately I have been in a "woe is me" state, and not only do I have to put more effort into getting my levels back to where they should be, I have to work harder at my mental health as well. Diabetes doesn't just affect just your physical well-being...it affects you mentally and emotionally. It can attack you relentlessly, and while you're already down and not feeling your strongest, it can make every little thing in your life seem harder. That's how it's been for me lately and I know that I need to make some kind of plan in order for me to take action and keep propelling forward.


  1. I bothers me too when people think all diabetes is the same. "my old lady neighbor has it and blah blah" I want to scream when I hear that. I completely agree. Even my hubby who has had it for 31 years get emotionally worn out. Hang in there! ((hugs))))

  2. You are doing amazing at managing all that you do, and I'm sure the weather (hello spring where are you hiding??) is not helping your mood much. I love the rain and it's getting to me a bit. If I had the money I'd send you away to a warm tropical place, I bet that would help your mood =). I am actually considering hitting a tanning bed myself.

    This is just a suggestion that has worked for me with my mood, I take 10,000 IU of vitamin D in the winter and it helps a ton! You might want to ask your doc about how much he/she recommends especially in the winter. Good luck! <3

  3. So sorry you are struggling... With my daughter's D, I find it is such a roller coaster. Some days I feel like, "I got this", and others I wonder how I'm going to make it to bedtime. You are so right when you say it attacks you physically, mentally AND emotionally.

    I hope you can find something to boost your spirits and move forward!

    Mind if I add you to my adult D blog-roll?

  4. hang in there!
    this constant rain (and cold rain at that) is really mood draining. I can only imagine adding the emotional toll that wacky bgs add to that. hopefully when things dry out (yeah right, this is Oregon!) it will get better.
    and I think it is totally ok (and normal) to go through the "woe is me" every once in a while...as long as you don't stay there.

  5. from another PNW girl I think this darn weather is taking it's toll on all of us. Also, it sounds like you've been started on some new meds recently due to low blood pressure my hubby was started on those a few years ago and I remember the transition being quite uncomfortable for him.
    I hope today is better and the sun shines for just a bit. Know you're not alone and we're all here willing to listen.

  6. Love your frankness about what you are feeling and going through right now Valerie. You will get there...keep on writing it out and talking it out...and working out. It is a process for sure.

  7. Hey there! You are a remarkable person, and I appreciate all your comments and your posts, event the ranting one about prot and fat. I also totally agree that diabetes is taxing on us PWD mentally, and can creep up on us when we least expect it. Hang in there, awareness is the first step, hope you also get your mood up and back! Cheers.

  8. i think you are really awesome in that you recognise your emotional responses. you definately should get a plan in place. see a dr about getting some supplements - maybe st.johns wort, additional b group vitamins, spirulina even? (all mood lifters) i agree on the sunshine and vit d point, seasonal affected disorder is very really (i cry nearly all winter long). then organise a regular counselling session with a psych? you will get back on top again, youve been there before.xx