rough nights

Last night was not fun. Between the hours of midnight and 8AM, my sensor woke me up at least 8 times. Each time, it was due to a predictive low alert and each time my # was just fine. Yes, my # was dropping, but it was dropping steadily. At one point I mumbled, "stop lying to me," and then promptly fell back to sleep. I woke up with a 90 and decided there was no way I could go into work this morning. I was too tired to care and luckily my workplace is understanding and I have plenty of sick hours accrued. I took a couple bites of a granola bar so that I wouldn't fall low and slept until about noon. I haven't slept in that late for years!

I got up and decided to make a small lunch: a low carb wrap with a chicken patty and string cheese. The wrap is about 3 carbs, and the chicken patty has around 30ish grams of protein, but I ate only 1/2 of the patty. Soon after, my pump showed that I was heading up fast, so I bolused, and when I checked about an hour later, it was around 150, so I wasn't too concerned. I need to brush up on my pumping knowledge because I still don't understand how protein affects blood sugar levels.

I didn't eat much today because I was feeling tired from the night before still and just kind of blah in general. Also my normal eating schedule was way off, and nothing really sounded good. I turned down my basal for a while because I thought I might hit the gym, but then decided I was too tired and would take the dog for a short walk. By the way, the dog I am referring to is not the one in the picture--that dog belongs to my oldest brother and his wife. My blood sugar had gone up to the 200s and that short walk didn't really do anything to bring it down. I did a correction and decided to wait a while before I made dinner. This is where it goes downhill real fast! I had green beans, some sweet potato french fries, a slice of a wheat baguette and lamb. It was delicious, but I am pretty sure I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to meat and its fat content. I thought I bolused enough for the carbs, and I decided to increase my basal, but only by 10%. Soon after, I was getting the arrow up and I started feeling really sick. I was at 250 and going up so I decided to manually give myself extra insulin over the next hour or two. I know I could have used the extended bolus feature, but I used to pretty good about guessing how much to dose out over an extended time...not so much anymore. I gave myself at least 2-2.5 extra units insulin, if not more, based on the #s I was getting and how I was feeling. Even still, it wasn't enough because I was in the 300s for at least a couple of hours and it was AWFUL. I really need to get some ketone strips. I felt dizzy, nauseated and felt like everything was just too hard...even just laying there on the couch. I was worried that it was taking too long to come down. My roommates and I were about to watch The Bachelor (yes, it's a roommate ritual), but I was so sick and so upset over my high #s, that I called my mom and started sobbing. I share a lot of things with my roommies, and they know all about the ups and downs of my diabetes, but I felt really alone in that moment and I didn't want them to be concerned about me. Instead, I walked into my room and called my mom and cried for a couple minutes. She asked what she could do, and I said "nothing. It's just tiring." Then I wiped my tears and went back in to watch the show, all the while keeping close tabs on my numbers.

Towards the end of the show, I was hovering in the 170s-180s according to my sensor, but the meter read 220 so I gave myself a correction and am now waiting for it to drop to a normal bedtime #. Sensor is showing 150s currently, so hopefully the # will be stabilized soon. Unfortunately I still feel terrible. I feel better than when I was in the 300s but I still feel sick to my stomach, like I might throw up at any time. Me and nausea do not mix well. I haven't vomited from sickness since I was around the age of 7...I am pretty sure my body decided it didn't like the act of throwing up and would not do it again. (I will admit I've thrown up a few times from drinking too much alcohol, but I have no desire to reach that point ever again.)

Part of my frustration is that I feel like I really don't understand my diabetes right now, and I know that I need to understand fat and protein better. There's just so much EFFORT involved all the time. And you have to keep putting forth the effort so you can understand it all better. You have to put effort into re-educating yourself. Sometimes I really wish that all the people closest to me could just carry it for a bit, just shoulder what currently feels like a burden, and then they could truly understand how hard it is and how much effort it takes every single moment of the day. Sigh.