changing "I can't" to "I can"

Before I start in on this post, I wanted to clear up that post I wrote titled "FALSE information." I was really mad when I wrote that one and I don't even remember what I wrote exactly, but I wasn't trying to say that everyone should bolus for protein and fat. The point of that post was that dude with type 1 had put diabetes into a "one size fits all" approach and it bothered me. It bothered me that he completely discounted the idea of fat and protein playing a role in your diabetes management and insulin dosages. I realize that not everyone boluses the same and maybe there are some lucky people out there who don't bolus for their eggs or meat (not sure how you get away with that--doesn't fat and protein break down later for everyone?). But, I do believe that for most people, fat and protein plays a part in how you digest food, and I do know that fat can stay in your system for a looong time and give you higher blood sugar readings hours later, so...that's all.

OK, blog time.

Lately I've been having a lot more negative thoughts when it comes to my diabetes. When I was first diagnosed, I never really got angry or jealous or depressed. I just rolled with it and took it all in stride and figured it out. It's not like it made me incredibly happy, but my thoughts didn't spiral downward either. I think this is because I was in control more often than not and now I am not in control and it seems that I have to work harder to get back to that point. But, I have noticed that I've been thinking a lot more about how my life was like before diagnosis and how much I miss that freedom and flexibility I didn't realize I had before. I start to remember and picture moments of my life before D...to the point where I'm really not doing myself any justice and thinking about those memories is doing more harm than good. I also have become focused on how my life is different (and not in a positive way) and all the things I can't do or all the things that have become more difficult because of having diabetes. I never used to think like this in the "early days" of D. I never wanted to be labeled as different because of it; I never wanted special attention or help; I never thought of myself as being the person who wouldn't be in good control or the person who would develop complications--no, that wouldn't be me because I can do anything I want regardless of D.

Yes, that's how I used to think, but lately I have been in a "woe is me" state, and not only do I have to put more effort into getting my levels back to where they should be, I have to work harder at my mental health as well. Diabetes doesn't just affect just your physical well-being...it affects you mentally and emotionally. It can attack you relentlessly, and while you're already down and not feeling your strongest, it can make every little thing in your life seem harder. That's how it's been for me lately and I know that I need to make some kind of plan in order for me to take action and keep propelling forward.