Monday, October 20, 2014

The switchup: from shots to pump

I've had type 1 for 9 years now. I was on shots for one year. On the Medtronic pump for 5 years. And then in the last three years, I've switched back and forth between my new pump (the Tandem t:slim) and shots. Both solutions—insulin pump and pens—have their pros and cons. When all is said and done, you just have to do what's right for you.

During the summer, I switch to shots. It's hot outside. I'm usually wearing less clothing. And I don't want to deal with my pump. However, it's also annoying to give yourself a shot of insulin when you're wearing a dress. Then again, have you ever tried to reach up or down your dress to access your pump? Awkward.

Like I said, both solutions have their good things and their not so good things. No one solution is perfect.

Now summer is over and fall is well on its way. And with that change of seasons comes the switchup. As of yesterday, I'm back on my t:slim pump. In my personal experience, getting back into the right rhythm of pump life is difficult.

I don't know about you guys, but when I go back to the pump, I'm high all day and then, BAM, I drop low. You think I wouldn't be high at all since I'm overlapping my basal rate from the pump with my shot of lantus, but this isn't the case for me. So, despite increasing my basal rate and giving myself a correction, I stayed high for hours. And then it hit me. At 9pm, I dropped way low. 39 low. The bad kind of low where you're sitting on the kitchen floor, staring off into space after chugging 37g of orange juice and waiting to come back to life.

My boyfriend asked if 37g was too much, and I said at that point, I needed it. I came back up to a normal rate, ate dinner and bolused for it, and then...dun dun dun...I dropped low again. This time in the 50s. I had a hard time getting that low back up. I thought I had finally gotten it right, but I woke up in the middle of the night to a high of 240. I corrected, fell asleep. Woke up. Still high. Corrected. Back to sleep. By morning, I was at 78. Ta-da.

But today is a new day of challenges. I haven't eaten in 5 hours because I've been battling a high that won't come down. And I also don't want a repeat of yesterday's low.

No matter how long you've had diabetes, you will never have it all figured out. There will be plenty of moments where you feel like you've got this down, and then there will be plenty of moments where you wonder what the hell you're doing wrong. This is one of my "what the hell am I dong wrong" moments.

Sometimes it feels like a long, aggravating, and exhausting battle. You do what you can, and when the numbers don't reflect your hard work, it's disappointing. It leaves you feeling like shit. And it's okay to feel sad and mad, but pitying yourself for too long isn't going to change anything. So you tell yourself what you have to tell yourself in order to move on. Tomorrow is a new day. You'll figure it out soon. It'll be better the next time.

In the meantime, I'll keep adjusting.