Yippee!

It's funny how excited I am at the thought of getting new "toys." By "toys" I mean an upgraded insulin pump and CGM sensors. It's sort of like getting the latest technology...except this is not for my entertainment! Maybe excited isn't the right word, but I am eager for tools that will help me to better manage my diabetes. I know I am for sure getting the insulin pump upgrade, but I don't know about the sensors yet, so I don't want to get my hopes up about that. I know my endo said I should be fine, so let's hope I don't need a doctor's note.

I am also a little antsy because my new pump is also a new color. I've had the standard black color for 3 years now...it'll be odd to have something different. For those who don't know, I tend to keep my pump hidden in my bra since my pants are tight and the pockets do not have much give. This way, there's no bulge in my pocket and it's easier to hide the wire. I've noticed that I can't exactly keep the pump in my bra when wearing a white tanktop because the black usually shows through...I usually have to double up the tanktops, but I still get a little self-conscious about it. I know it's not a big deal, but it's another (small) reminder that I have to make some adjustments due to diabetes. I didn't think of this at the time of getting my pump, but now that I have a chance to get a new color with the upgrade, I decided to go with the clear color. Hopefully I am not disappointed, seeing as how I will be stuck with it for years! I know it seems a little vain, but this is something that's attached to you 24/7/365, so in my mind, I better like every little thing about it. Also, it'll cost a few hundred dollars, so it better be worth the cost!

communication breakdown?

I have to post about this real quick because I find it amusing. I called a certain company yesterday trying to reach a specific person. I had left this person's extension on my desk at work last Friday, and since I took the day off yesterday, I didn't have the # with me at home. I called in anyway and asked if I could find out this person's extension because I needed to talk to her about CGM stuff. The lady was very nice and said she would transfer my call, and I would be able to hear the extension while I was on hold. Fine, great, thank you. Easy, right? Wrong! After a few rings, it gives me the extension, I write it down, then get to the voicemail. It's a male voice...this is not the voice of the lady I need to talk to. I hang up, call back, speak to a different person who says she can transfer me. Back on hold, more ringing, and this time it goes to the voicemail of a woman, but NOT the woman I am looking for. I decide to leave my info anyway...this lady's voicemail says she will call me before end of day. She doesn't call.

I'm back at work this morning with the right extension. I leave her a voicemail stating that we spoke last month and I wanted to make sure I had the correct fax # so I could send her my blood sugar logs to start the CGM process. So, she calls me back and her response is something like: "Sooo, you want to know where we are in the CGM process?" OK, that may have not been her exact wording, but her basic response had nothing to do with my question and I almost felt like she thought I had asked her why I didn't have a CGM yet. Um, no. All I want to know is the fax # so I can start the process! Good Lord, I don't know why these things are so difficult sometimes. :)

love makes the world go round

Happy Valentine's Day! Or as I like to say on this day--Happy VAL-day! :)

Though I do think Valentine's has turned into a commercialized day, I think it's important to remember and think about the people you love...today and every day. It's good to take the time and think about whether or not you are making your relationships a priority and if not, what could you be doing to strengthen those relationships?

There are a lot of people in my life whom I love. Family, friends, boyfriend, and so on. Of course my love for each of them is slightly different, but I still love them and hope they know that each and every one of them is important to me! And I have to remember that even though having diabetes is not always easy for ME, it's also not very easy on the people who love me. These are the people who worry about me, ask questions, show that they care, are supportive, and want the best for me and my health. I don't know where I would be without them as my support system, so I think this song is very appropriate. :)

("Song" is supposed to show up as a link when you hover over it, but just in case: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7gckaJV-to)

Envy

When I was younger, I was never really jealous of other people. I got good grades, played sports, had a good group of friends and had high self-esteem. One thing I've noticed about diabetes is that it has made me more envious of non-diabetics. When I was newly diagnosed, I started paying more attention to what other people ate. Before having D, I knew how to eat healthy, but I had never paid close attention to carbs, protein, fat, etc. I was never a carb counter because I didn't have to be. But after my diagnosis, I couldn't help but notice what other people ate. I couldn't help but judge them a little. And I couldn't help but be envious that they didn't have to worry.

They didn't have to worry about everything they put in their mouths. They didn't have to think about when they last ate and when they would eat again. They could exercise for as long as they wanted and never cut a workout short because their blood sugar was dropping. They didn't have to get up in the middle of the night, feel panicked over their blood sugar reading, and stand in the kitchen alone drinking orange juice, hands shaking and afraid to fall back asleep.

They never have to think about how what they're doing and how it affects their blood sugar levels. THEIR pancreas does the tweaking for them--if they've been sitting around all day, moving a lot, walking, running, standing, etc.,--THEIR pancreas knows what to do. There is no guessing game. They don't have to wonder what their stress levels are doing to their blood sugar. When they're sick with a flu or cold or fever, they don't have to keep tabs on their sugar.

They don't have to be dependent on a glucose monitor or insulin pump. They don't have to worry about having enough supplies to keep managing their health. They don't have to worry that if there's a major catastrophe, they would be the ones less likely to survive. They don't have to worry about making sure they are healthy enough to have a baby. (Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of health complications that can arise with having a baby, whether you are diabetic or not, but if you are diabetic, you have to be in even tighter control when pregnant. You can't give in to those cravings...you don't have a free pass to eat whatever you want. You have to be take care of yourself 24/7 so you and your baby aren't at risk.)

Mostly, the envy I feel is the fact that I don't have the same kind of freedom or flexibility in my life. I have to prepare for things, like working out. I have to keep on top of my health 24/7. I have to constantly think about every little thing I'm doing and how it affects my blood sugar. I HAVE to have insurance--I can't just go without it and hope that I won't get sick or get in some accident. I need it. I can't just quit my job and travel around the world. I have to plan. I have to prepare. I have to be in control.

Big decision

So my next big "D" decision is what kind of CGM I want. Do I go with the Medtronic sensors that link to my pump? Or do I go with the Dexcom that I hear everyone blog about? I guess I need to do some research and maybe make a pro/con list. I remember 3 years ago, when I was deciding which pump I wanted...I still wonder if I made the right choice! At one point, I even thought of switching over to the Animas Ping. Currently I am thinking of upgrading my pump since I am still under warranty and it sounds like it has some improvements that may also work better with the CGM sensors.

I am mostly just eager to get going on this whole process! I talked to my endo to see if she thought I would need a letter to help prove "my case." She said that the CGM data had 2 nights of me going low at night/early morning, which should be enough. She also recorded in my chart that I was having trouble distinguishing the lows, and that should also go in my favor. Fingers crossed!

Why yes, I will have another drink

Although diabetes is a part of my life 24/7, always poking its face in my biz, there are plenty of times when I don't even think about it. There are times when I tell myself to stop stressing out and just have fun--to be present in the moment! Over the weekend, I was in Seattle with my boyfriend visiting some good friends of mine. It was a short trip, but we managed to squeeze in a night out, which we were all looking forward to. None of us are hardcore drinkers or partiers, but we have, on occasion, been drunk together. When I was diagnosed about a month or so after I turned 21, I didn't drink for about 8 months...until my best friend turned 21. My dr. advised me not to since there was so much to learn, and I wanted to follow all the "rules." I felt as if I had enough drinking experiences at that point, so I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything. When I finally decided to drink, I was careful about it and I was with friends I trusted. I know drinking can be a scary thing for a diabetic, but it's a process you have to figure out and manage, just like exercising, eating cake, etc.

Even if I didn't have diabetes, I think I would feel the same way about alcohol. It can be fun in a social setting to have a drink or two. It can be relaxing and pleasant to have a drink of wine with dinner. Sometimes I'll go weeks or months without having a drink, and it's honestly not that big of a deal. Mostly, I'm not in the mood and would rather have water. And as I get older, I find it much easier to get a hangover, and that's not worth it to me either. :) I will say that I am more careful because of having diabetes. I usually stick to rum and diet coke or wine. Diet can make you drunker faster, but there's no way I'm having a regular coke. I usually don't give myself insulin because alcohol lowers your blood sugar--even the following day. In fact, I usually eat a snack before bedtime without bolusing because I know it can drop. The scary part is, of course, that you can fall low and pass out. This has never happened to me and I hope it never does. Another scary part is once you start knocking a few back, you might not care as much about having that sugary cocktail you avoided before. You might not care about checking your sugar or having a snack. A few times, I've had that "carefree" attitude, but in the end I always checked my sugar and stayed on top of it as best I could.

Back to Seattle. We went out for happy hour and had some great Mexican food. We split appetizers and I mostly nibbled while drinking my sangria. Then we did some good lounging, made dinner, and got ourselves ready to go out dancing. I love to dance AND it's a great workout, but I do consider the fact that 1. dancing is like exercising and 2. I will be drinking. My level was around 200 when we went out and I had also lowered my basal a bit in preparation. Over the span of 2-3 hours, I had a rum and diet coke, a shot of tequila and a shot of jager. The drinks were pretty strong and it had been a while since I had done a shot, so I cooled it after the jager even though I felt fine. We did a lot of dancing and by 12am, I was so pooped! A little lame? Yes, but I'm fine with that. :) I had to take a break and sit down, so I decided to check my # and I was at 87. That's a great number, but when you are dancing and drinking and bedtime is nearby, you want that number a bit higher. Insert and chew 2 glucose tablets, dance to another song, sit down, yawn. Once we got home, I snacked on a few crackers and guacamole, did a check (147) and decided I was comfortable with that number. I would estimate that I had a total of 15-20 carbs after seeing that 87...no bolus and a lowered basal. I woke up at 10am the next day with a 95. Sometimes I wonder what that # would be if I hadn't snacked, but I try not to go there.

The point of the post is that YES, you can drink even if you have diabetes. BUT, you need to be smart about it. You need to have friends who know what to do in case of an emergency. You need to know your limits and manage it like you would anything else. And really, you are not missing out by not having that 4th or 5th drink. The other point is that while I was dancing with my friends and my boyfriend in a crowd of strangers, I realized that no one was viewing me as the diabetic. I was just another 26-year-old doing "normal" things. I was having fun and I was in the moment, enjoying the moment, and I let my health stresses disappear. I focused on the fun I was having and the people I was with, and that is the moment where diabetes can go away for a little while.

Doubling up the dr. appts.

Lately it feels like I've had a dr. appt (or two) every week. I'm glad I get to leave work early, but I think I would rather stay late at work every day than have to go in for all these appts! I finally established my primary...I don't know why I put it off, but at least I made a decision, and I'm glad this person is my primary dr. He's the only one who recommended I do a tilt-table test, after seeing multiple doctors and undergoing several tests...HE is the one who helped give me some kind of answer so that I could move forward. I feel confident that he is a good choice for me, and he seems to be on top of things and honest, which I appreciate.

So I met with him today to talk about some of the ongoing issues I've had. Of course it's tricky because who's to say it's not diabetes causing these symptoms? I'm sure the D has a role in all of it, but I feel that it's more than that. So after listening to me ramble about how crappy I feel and how I suspected my thyroid, he said it could be that, but my symptoms also tied into fibromyalgia. However, chronic fatigue/adrenal exhaustion also ties in closely with its similar symptoms. Of course you can't really test for ANY of these, so they just base it on your overall symptoms. Bla.

Then he suggested a basic panel...liver check, kidney check, etc. AND a B12 check. He then asked if I ever had my vitamin D checked. No and no. No dr. has ever asked me this! It seems so simple--or at least it should be. I'm curious to see what those results are, but of course there is always a waiting game.

And to top it off, I've been high all day. High blood sugars, that is. Funny how the meaning of that word is very different for people with diabetes!